Time to believe
by Lola Me
Summary: Sam is trying to escape her feelings following the armband incident where she and Jack had faced each other through opposite sides of an impenetrable forceshield. Oneoff semisongfic. Please give it a go!


Title: Time to believe 

**Author: Albi**

**Rating: anyone and everyone (whatever that means)**

**Disclaimer: I'm sure you all know now that although I'm good, I'm not _that_ good. The characters aren't mine although I _do_ put thoughts into their heads when it's my fic. Hope no-one minds – I have no assets anyway so please don't sue!**

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_A/N: Oh the irony…I generally strongly dislike songfics, and yet here I am bloody well writing one. We're in Sam's head for the entire time, please tell me if you like._

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Along a quiet country road, the perennial tranquillity of the deserted scape was momentarily broken by the sound of a car engine in fifth, racing along the smooth strip of asphalt as if something were chasing it. The birds and other wildlife in the area scattered briefly to make way for this noisy beast before returning to the status quo some minutes later. 

Inside the car, there was nothing tranquil about Major Samantha Carter's thought processes. The scenery around her, which by all rights should have calmed her with its sheer beauty in these final hours of sunlight, passed by outside her small bubble without her noticing. She had wanted to be able to take her motorbike onto the road, to let the wind run through her hair to chase the turmoil from her mind. A lingering problem with the engine had rendered this impossible, and she'd had to settle for the sealed space of the inside of her car.

The sun was low and tinged with an orange hue to her right as she drove south. She'd taken some leave before the programmed negotiations with the Tok'ra for the formal signing of the alliance with Earth; some leave that was well deserved and, for once, well needed. This brief period of reflection was most of all required to repair the links with the alien race that had been damaged following the fiasco with the armbands. Her and her team-mates' actions while under the influence of these devices had caused some embarrassment to the SGC and she imagined questions were being asked at the Pentagon. Most of all, however, her CO, Colonel Jack O'Neill's suspicion of the Tok'ra had not been assuaged and time would be needed to convince him and others of their good faith.

None of this, however, was what plagued Sam's mind. None of this explained why she'd personally felt the need to escape. She thought back to the surprise expressed by General Hammond when she'd informed him that for once she was actually going to take the leave offered to her and not spend the week working in her lab, having to be chased out of the complex in order to rest.

It had taken Jack only moments to absent himself from the base when given the opportunity – but then that was nothing new. Usually, however, he passed by her lab first to try to persuade her to leave as well. He hadn't done so this time. In fact, he'd actively avoided her and although she wouldn't admit it to herself immediately, she knew why.

Despite the presence of the arm-bands that gave them heightened powers, their mission to destroy the goa'uld mother ship had not been out of the ordinary. True, it had nearly resulted in disaster when the powerful technology propelling them had failed, but so often they escaped from dire situations thanks to a bit of luck – and the shields failing had represented their seemingly inexhaustible luck on this occasion. It was what had happened in those moments where all seemed lost that Sam found the cause of her current state of mind.

He'd refused to leave. She felt a rush of blood to her head, causing her face to go red and her heart to leap into her throat just as she thought of it. He'd refused to leave _without_ her – just like she'd refused to leave him in Hathor's clutches a couple of years previously. She daren't think what that might represent, but her mind kept coming back to it.

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Slamming her hands down on the steering wheel with frustration Sam steeled her expression again and concentrated anew on the road ahead. She'd called Mark that morning and told him of her intention to drive down. He'd said she was mad for wanted to drive that distance for such little time, but she didn't care. She wanted to feel the open road; she wanted to disappear from the civilised world of towns and cities; she wanted to be completely isolated and keeping mobile on a deserted highway was the best way she could think of doing that. 

The only problem was that she couldn't turn her mind off. She refused to think of Jack, and yet the mental image of his face kept floating through her mind at every instant without respite. In vain, she reached a hand out to the radio, looking for anything that could distract her.

Predictably, there was a high instance of white noise that greeted her. It had been at least 30 miles since the last town and she imagined the next wouldn't appear before she'd travelled at least the same distance again. She turned the old-fashioned dial in her radio slowly, hoping to pick something up while admonishing herself for thinking this would be a good idea. At least in her lab she would have been sufficiently distracted… but then he might have dropped by; he might have tried to persuade her to leave; instead of mental images she probably would have had his physical presence near her, perhaps causing her to succumb to her already inappropriate feelings.

Finally, Sam heard a small chink in the uniform static and she gasped out-loud in relief. Returning to the spot she fiddled with it for nearly 30 seconds until she managed to get a clear enough signal to hear the melody clearly. She didn't care what the music was – she'd have been happy if it had been a sports channel calling the dog-racing – as long as she could concentrate on it and chase everything else out of her mind.

The music that greeted her was nothing she knew and the raw voice of the woman singing was in an accent that she couldn't place. Within seconds of listening, she had taken her foot off the accelerator, the power of the music grabbing her attention as if by an osmotic force.

The sombre rhythm and melodic strains of the female back-up singers had her struggling to remain composed within seconds. She tried to steel herself but here, alone on the open road, she found she no longer had the strength to stay strong. She hated how emotional she was becoming; she tried to nip it at the bud, but in her heart she knew that if she didn't allow herself this moment while no-one could see, it would be infinitely more difficult to carry on once she gained the strength to return to the base.

Pull back the shield between us, and I'll kiss you Drop your defences and I'll come, into your arms I'm all for believing, I'm all for believing I'm all for believing, if you can reveal The true colours, within 

The first line had struck her with such force that she found all thought processes were blocked from her mind. It was all she could do to remain on the road and take control of the car again, pressing her foot lightly on the accelerator, dropping gear momentarily to get her speed up again. Those moments when their fate had seemed sealed. Those moments when she'd thought she was going to die; when he had _refused_ to leave. If it hadn't have been for the shield between them… She remembered the look of panic, the outright stubbornness on his face… If only she'd been able to kiss him she would have – in that moment.

I know you blanket your mind, so much that I am blind But I- I see you painted your soul, into your guard I'm all for believing, I'm all for believing 

_I need to know just how you feel, to comfort you_

_I need to find the key to let me in…_

Sam gasped in realisation as she tried not to listen to the lyrics; at the same time, her ears fiercely and unwaveringly tuned to the husky voice coming out through the static. She thought again about why she was there, why she was running so far; what had changed. Those few seconds on that planet, on that doomed ship, had confirmed what she'd both prayed for and dreaded. He felt it too. She could see that now. He felt it just like she did – there was going to be no escaping the sheer eventuality of their feelings, although she was making a pretty good effort by running away into the sunset.

Still, she didn't know that she had the courage to act. It would jeopardise everything. More than that, it would be the end of their team. And then – the seeds of doubt crept into her mind – it occurred to her that maybe he'd refused to leave out of loyalty, out of the 'no-one gets left behind' strain of his being. That thought caused her more pain than anything else and she tried to chase it from her mind, but to no avail. As she sped down the road, perilously close to being out of control, a battle was being waged.

The soft rhythm of the piano filled the small space of the car and the singer returned to the first few lines of the song. Sam found herself slowing the car to a stop to listen the variation of the chorus.

_I'm all for believing, if you can reveal_

_The true colours within_

_And say you will be there, for me to hold_

_When the faith grows old, and life turns cold_

The car now stopped, Sam glanced at her reflection in the rear-view mirror to see the thin traces of tears that had managed to escape to run down her cheeks. She wanted to furiously wipe the warm liquid off her face, leave all these emotions behind and continue, but found her actions dulled, mesmerised as she was by the song that had infiltrated her entire consciousness.

What if they had both died on that planet, on both sides of that stupid shield? What if they had been trapped within the same shielded area, together? Would he have held her? Would she have held him?

_So if you're cold I will stay_

_Maybe fate will guide the way_

_I believe in what I see _

_And baby we were meant to be_

Just believe…trust in me 

The soft playing of the piano petered out into nothing and Sam turned the radio off quickly before another simple piece of music could so compromise her. She sat there for some time, trying to chase the tune out of her head, wishing to God she hadn't remembered those lyrics. The words 'just believe' kept coming back into her mind but she tried as much as she could to ignore them. Believing could be their downfall; believing could be misplaced – it might not be true.

Silently making a decision, she reached into her bag to find her cell-phone. Upon seeing that she was completely out of range she found herself laughing hysterically. Here she was, in the middle of nowhere because she'd wanted to escape, _now_ wanting desperately to be back in the world; to believe.

Still laughing wearily she turned the car around and headed back north; willing to believe.

FIN

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_A/N: There will be no sequel… this happens between the arm-band business and the za'tarc business._

_The song in this is called "All for believing" by an Australian artist Missy Higgins from the album "Sound of White". I'm aware that a lot of people won't have heard it – if you're able to, I suggest you download it, it's a great song (and album, actually)._

_Please tell me what you think, I've never written this kind of fic before… no dialogue, song lyrics… it's all foreign to me! I'm not convinced that I truly succeeded in what I'm doing... but I hope it's ok._


End file.
